I have been in Nicaragua for over a month and I’ve been
unable to blog until now because it has been difficult for me to accept and
adjust to being back in Central America; as if blogging made it official that I’m
here to stay. This was not at all what I
hoped for, prayed for and even expected to happen to Anthony and I. I pictured us in some mid-west college town,
Anthony getting settled in the job he wanted and me making a home for ourselves
in America. This isn’t the first time
things haven’t turned out my way in life and I’m sure won’t be the last! Surprise right?
So I’m here, and what am I going to do about it? The answer is for me to get comfortable with
the uncomfortable, because very little about life here is comfortable. Anthony and I live at the resort in one of
the more basic villas/treehouses at the top of the mountain where the view and
sound of the ocean every day is incredible.
Let me reiterate that I’m so thankful our living conditions are better
than last fall and often remind myself of that.
However, living on a mountain side in the woods in a more open air
structure has its downsides. We have a
constant layer of dirt over everything, our kitchen table and our dishes, and we
have ants, spiders, and geckos crawling.
We can’t leave food or crumbs exposed anywhere for very long without it
be attacked by large numbers of little tiny sugar ants.
It’s always hot, breezy and dusty here because it is the dry
season. We have the same weather every
day and the temperature is generally around 90.
Some days the wind picks up and I expect a rain storm like at home, but
much to my disappointment those dark clouds in the sky are not here to stay or
drop precipitation. I’m a Midwest girl
and I love four seasons and am definitely missing all that beautiful white
snow.
The pace of life for me is uncomfortable. I definitely have things to do, because things
generally are harder, take longer to accomplish and don’t always work correctly. Aside
from the frustration of things just not working though is the feeling of
loneliness, isolation and the slower pace which at times can almost be
unbearable. I spend most of my days
alone cleaning, studying, cooking, and exercising. Plus, we don’t “get out” like we are able to
in the U.S. We have no car, there’s not
much to do, and even a grocery trip is an all day, exhausting, dirty, and
sweaty trip with several others piled into a car or truck. Last week Anthony squeezed in the back of a
truck with a bunch of guys and broken refrigerators. I packed in the front with two Spanish
speakers and had to build up the nerve to try and speak to them in
Spanish. After several stops and many
hours we arrived home at 8 p.m. Anthony
made the return trip balancing himself on a buck of paint in a packed truck bed
and I held two dozen eggs on my lap, one of them broke and leaked down my leg.
Then there is Spanish.
Estoy descansado! Literally it
means I rested or took a break, but what I mean in English is my Spanish is
rusty. I have definitely lost a lot of
my Spanish in my two months in the states.
As a result, I have to one be patient with the fact that I’m not where I
left off and secondly get used to feeling like a child when trying to interact
with other people. It takes a great deal
of time and effort, and above all patience and humility, to learn another
language.
The hardest part about being here in Nicaragua is learning
to not find my fulfillment and my identity by doing. This challenge existed in Philadelphia too
after leaving an environment where I did all these things I excelled at and was
recognized for. However, the difference
in Philadelphia is I could work, take care of our home and our needs on my own. Here I have to rely on others to help me
communicate and take care of our most basic needs such as getting groceries.
I’m getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, by first and
foremost seeking Christ for my identity and fulfillment. I am loved, blessed, embraced, valued and
adored by God not because of my success, my beauty, my accomplishments, my
skills, my doing for others or through outward recognition or affirmation. It is a daily battle to be okay with
“being” and not “doing,” and it requires me to be very intentional about
seeking God, the truth of His Word, being still, and taking time to process how
I feel both inwardly and outwardly. (The
latter two are especially tough for me).
I’m getting comfortable with the uncomfortable by overcoming my fear and
putting myself out there by taking initiative to speak Spanish and seeking ways
to get involved at the resort. I’m
getting comfortable with the uncomfortable by stopping myself from comparing
how I wanted life to be and accepting what it actually is. I am exactly where God wants me, sometimes I
question that, but it is true. It’s okay
that I have to sweep up ants and dirt every day and trek up to the laundry
house to wash our clothes. It’s not
America or what I’m used to, but it’s still okay.
Finally, with Anthony’s support I took a step of faith and
paid for the materials and test to get certified as a personal trainer. I have until June to study, take quizzes and
tests to prepare for the final certification exam. I’m spending time 5-6 days a week reading and
studying, and I have no idea what will happen with this or even where we’ll be
in six months for me to use it. However,
I’ve always been interested in fitness and nutrition and am really enjoying
what I’m learning. So from time to time
I’ll share some things I’ve been learning and testing out on both myself and
Anthony!
In the past when things have not turned out how I wanted
they have always been for my good and in many cases led me to even better
opportunities. The path God has us on is
always leading to somewhere, but it’s important to not miss out on all you can
do, learn and enjoy on the journey. God
has always been faithful and it is helpful to remember: “HIS thoughts are not my thoughts, nor are my
ways HIS ways,” declares the LORD. For
as the heaves are higher than the earth, so are HIS ways higher than my ways
and HIS thoughts than my thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9
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| "Buco Villa" - Our two-story home in Nicaragua. |
