Living...No...Embracing the Moment

Thursday, September 20, marked exactly two weeks since arriving at Hotel Brio.  What better way to celebrate that mile marker with a really big storm.  That night rain, thunder and lightning raged.  It scared me enough to make my heart race.  Distant and sometimes not so distant thunder and lightning are a frequent occurrence here.  Anthony and I often sit out on the hammocks at night and watch the lightening- a breathtaking and humbling experience. However, this storm was the biggest we’ve experienced so far.  The power flicked off and on a quite a few times and at 6:30 a.m. Friday, the fans went off and everything went quiet.  Although we typically experience power outages here several times a week, we haven’t had one for this long….no electricity for over 30 hours. It was definitely hard to be cut off from the internet, limiting Anthony’s work and my access to the outside world. Probably the most difficult thing for me was that I couldn’t call my sister Shauna on her birthday which made me cry in frustration.

That evening Anthony and I had our first (romantic?) evening in the dark…scrounging up food and heating our meal on the gas stove by candlelight. We really didn’t notice how much cooler simply having a fan in our room made it, but that evening we discovered how critical the abanicos (fans) are for survival here. Although it was the same temperature outside, the sweltering humid air and lack of a breeze conspired together to turn our room into a mini sauna….a bit difficult to sleep in as you can probably imagine! As we rounded the 24 hour mark without power, another growing frustration became the preservation of our food. Food is a precious commodity here, and when you have to work so hard simply to obtain it in the first place (while of course protecting it from wildlife); it becomes all the more difficult to think it could all spoil and go to waste.  Saturday morning after not much sleep and a lot of praying, the lights flickered on and the whirr of the fans cooled us once again.

Everything about life in a third world country is so much more challenging than normal, and the most difficult aspect is that you are completely powerless to do anything about it.  I have found myself repeatedly wishing things were different or imagining I had the power to make things better.  I have a really hard time accepting things I can’t change, so often my response is to dwell on those frustrations in anger.  The ironic thing is this has become a frequent habit of mine over the last year.  It’s not something that has just happened to me this past month.  The transitions I experienced in Philadelphia were often so challenging that I lived (at times) in a state of discontent and anger over my circumstances.  

Now, I know there is always frustration and hardship with transition and things we can’t control.  It’s a part of life, but I don’t want to live so consumed with what I can’t change that I don’t enjoy it.  That has been the temptation.  I don’t want to live depressed, exhausted from fighting things I can’t change and then wishing time away.  I want to live in contentment and freedom and by God’s grace and the support of each other I will continue to choose to do so. 

Pitaya, a.k.a. "Dragon Fruit" - My favorite and as you can see it stains easily.

 

Well, in other news, I started Spanish lessons this last week which has got me thinking about the concept of living in the moment.  Let me explain.  I get pretty nervous for my Spanish lessons.  My perfectionist tendencies make me overwhelmed about learning the language and I feel self-conscious about my “inability” to know and speak Spanish as quick as I think I should.  I have even asked myself “what’s the point?  After 2 months or so of class I’m not going to be fluent-so why even bother?”  That is when it hit me:  “I don’t need to worry about whether or not I’ll be fluent in Spanish, but rather enjoy the fact that I can learn and enjoy this rich experience.”  It’s the process that’s important, not necessarily the end result.  I need to quit putting so much pressure on myself and take the time to celebrate knowing just one verb or having the boldness to say even one phrase to a native speaker.  Also, I’ve discovered that attempting to speak someone’s native language is very meaningful to others.  It’s not just about me.  We never know in life who we will affect.

To me living in the moment means, to immerse yourself in the process and enjoy the victories no matter how small.  It is letting go of those thoughts of what should be or could be and not worrying about the end result.   In fact, I like the term “embrace the moment” better.  Embracing is a better description of going through life with my arms wide open, trusting God, having joy, and living in acceptance of my circumstances.  I want to embrace each moment because God gave it to me.   This is not an easy task for me, because quite frequently things do not happen the way I want them to- especially in Nicaragua.   It’s something I have to try and do each day, with God’s help. 

It can start by changing my thinking and reminding myself that when I am fearful, frustrated, uncertain, insecure, panicked or just plain angry about what is happening in my life, God is in it.  I’m not alone.  I may not always know the reason or purpose, but this day and this step is a moment God has given me (one which I’ll most likely never have again) and with Him I have everything I need to enjoy the here and now and embrace it.  Well that is all for this post friends, nos vemos pronto!

We have several of these little guys in our room.  They like to chirp.

"Cordobas" - Looks like play money.  170 Cordobas = almost $7

 

 

There's a Crab in the Bathroom

Anthony and I have been in Nicaragua now for a little over a week.  In some ways it seems like forever because the difference between life in the U.S. and Nicaragua is so different.  In other ways it seems like just a week, because although we’ve come a long way in just a few days we have a lot more to figure out. 

I’ve titled this post “There’s a Crab in the Bathroom” because that literally happened to me.    One day at Aqua resort I went to the bathroom and heard this rustling.  All of a sudden this crab, with his pinchers up, speeds from one corner to the other and behind the toilet.  It startled me at first, but I know these black, purple and orange colored crabs are harmless.  However, this experience is a good way to describe our experiences here.  An ordinary, everyday occurrence like going to the bathroom is not a normal experience here in Nicaragua.  In our hotel room we often have little geckos on the wall (one likes to hang out in the bathroom) and they do alarm me at times.  They also like to chirp at night.   A few nights ago I was walking back to our room from the kitchen.  It was dark and I heard a lot of stomping.  Sure enough four horses were being rowdy near the entrance of the building.  Fortunately my presence showed them away and they then decided to graze near our room door.

When you are in a different culture or even a different part of the country you have to have great deal of patience and no expectations.  In a country, such as Nicaragua, where the people operate at a different pace and the lack of modernization makes things slower or even impossible, you have to just roll with the punches.  Anthony and I are learning to take things as they come, change “our plans” and just make do with what we have or don’t have.  We are learning to make food with few utensils and ingredients.  I’m learning to not worry about the constant layer of dust and various critters in our hotel room.  I’m learning to try and dress a little differently or pack extra clothes because I sweat so much.  Wearing foundation is pointless.  We leave earlier now on our commute to Aqua because of the water and mud that covers the road and the herd of cows in the way.  Sometimes a meeting Anthony has scheduled won’t happen for another hour and we have to sit and wait.  The internet may go out completely or our electricity may flick off for a while.  I can’t get upset.  This is life in a third world country. 

I definitely miss many things we so often take for granted in America, and I’ve only been away for 8 days.  I’ll spare you the long list, but one thing is cold water and the ease and convenience of an American kitchen.  One of the hardest things I especially am dealing with is the feeling of isolation.  I miss family and friends and the ability to pick up a cell phone and talk to someone or send a text.  I miss church and Christian community.  We are listening to podcasts and having our own church here, but even if we had the ability to drive somewhere to go to church, it’s really hard when you don’t speak the language.  Even for Anthony, who can speak and understand Spanish well, the barriers in communicating and understanding can be very isolating. 

Some of the animals around and the biggest tree I've ever seen.

Living accommodations at Hotel Brio

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Through it all Anthony and I are learning a lot.  We are thankful for being able to have this experience together and know it will continue to be a growing time for us as individuals and as a couple.  Even though something unexpected may happen, like a crab in the bathroom or water covering the road, with God’s help and working together, we can get through a scare, problem or inconvenience.

Thank you so much for your prayers, messages and encouragement.  They mean more to me then you realize.  I have felt the support and strength of God’s hands carrying me through each day and sometimes each moment.  There is a confidence and peace amidst the unknown.  This comes only through my Savior and Redeemer and the prayers of His people.  

Culture Shock

The personal disorientation a person may feel when experiencing an unfamiliar way of life due to immigration or a visit to a new country, or to a move between social environments.  Yes, that sounds about right.  I thought I experienced culture shock moving to Philadelphia, which I did, but if someone offered to take me the 2 ½ hours to the airport this moment I would be packed in 10 minutes and on my way back to America.  It has been rough.

It’s not like I have no overseas experience.  I have been on 3 mission’s trips and we did go on our honeymoon here in Nicaragua.  However, I’ve realized that in all of those experiences someone else took care of showing us where to go and not to go, and providing for basic necessities, like food.  This is a whole different ball game.  Not to mention getting answers in a very laid back society where people typically do not think about where their next meal will come from is extremely frustrating. 

Where do I begin?  We are staying in a hotel that is rented out for workers of the resort Anthony is interning for (Aqua Wellness Resort-Nicaragua).  Hotel Brio is about a 20 minute walk down rough roads from the resort.  As far as I can see we are the only non-Nicas living in this hotel.  There are a few Americans in houses owned by the hotel.  Our room is nice and fairly clean, but the AC doesn’t work, some of the lighting is out, the locked drawers don’t work (which it is muy importante to lock up our valuables) and our sink is semi-plugged.  We share a large kitchen with the other workers, which we have and will enjoy the opportunity to get to know them while making food.   Many of them speak English.  However, this is not an American kitchen, and because of that Anthony and I are a bit hesitant to use what few appliances and utensils they have and ingest what we can't see.  I’m sure you can guess what I’m saying.  

The biggest issue upon arriving is how do we get food?  The power bars we packed can only go so far and you cannot of course drink the tap water.   We’ve definitely managed, but in order to get some fresh food that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg we found we have to catch rides with other workers to the nearest town, Rivas. This can be a bit tricky when you are new.

Anthony’s internship responsibilities are also a bit muddy.  We met the GM of Aqua for 3 hours.  He’s a nice older Dutch guy who loves to tell stories….and another story….and another story.  We sat so long in the same spot on Friday my feet and toes swelled up.  That has literally never happened to me before.  In the end we got a general idea of where to start and found out Gerardo is not too fond of “trainees” he calls them.  We hope to prove to him that his experience with us however will prove to be valuable for Aqua. 

If I’m seeming to be a bit negative about our experience so far I’m not trying to be.  I am trying to paint a realistic picture of what it is like to go and try and figure out life in a culture that operates pretty much completely opposite from what you are used to.  I will tell you it is absolutely beautiful here.  While I know I’m going to miss many things about America I am appreciating the diverse beauty in God’s creation.  I’m sitting atop a hill right now looking at the Pacific Ocean, which is a five minute walk away, and watching cows wonder around the pool.  Which I found today is safe enough to swim in.  Yay!  On our walk to Aqua early this morning we watched a wood pecker, saw a unique looking squirrel and watched five mono congos (howler monkeys) play in the trees and howl when cars went by.  I’m sure once we get things figured out we’ll be able to fully enjoy the beautiful landscape and the ocean.  I’m looking forward to that.

Until then we are doing our best to stay positive and stay cool.  I have lots more to share, but that can wait until another time.  We are taking one small step at a time and learning to have lots of patience.  I miss you all very much and covet your prayers.  I'll try and post some pictures soon.

Nicaragua Here We Come

 “Sometimes only the step I’m on, or the very next one ahead, is all that is illuminated for me.  God gives just the amount of light I need for the exact moment I need it.  At those times I walk in surrender to faith, unable to see the future and not fully comprehending the past.  And because it is God who has given me what light I have, I know I must reject the fear and doubt that threaten to overtake me.  I must determine to be content where I am, and allow God to get me where I need to go.  I walk forward, one step at a time, fully trusting that the light God sheds is absolutely sufficient.”  Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On, Trusting God in the Tough Times by Stormie OMartian

In December of 2000 a dear Christian lady gave me this book as I embarked upon my first semester at Cedarville University.  Over the past 12 years I have picked up this book several times and passed it on to many friends.  This past year I found the words and truths from scripture to once again touch my heart and life as I experienced many changes including: getting married, moving away from friends and family, leaving a job and several activities I enjoyed, living in a city on the east coast, finding a new church, and taking on a very challenging job.  The funny thing is I was just starting to get settled here in Pennsylvania and it is once again time to pack our things and leave the familiar to spend 3 months in Nicaragua.  We have no idea at this point where God will take us come December or January.  For a person who loves to plan, be in control and pour deeply into relationships all these changes and uncertainties have been very difficult. 

Now please don’t think I’m complaining, despite the many hardships due to transition, our first year of marriage has been filled with wonderful times and great adventures.  What Anthony and I have and continue to experience is life.  Everyone goes through seasons of change that test their faith and character.  The past year has indeed been that very thing, but the changes and challenges are teaching me many things about life, God and myself. 

As I look back over the last year God’s faithfulness is abundantly evident.  I could literally write a page at least about the small and big ways God has provided and the wonderful blessings.  These are the things however I tend to forget at the very time it’s most important to remember them.  This past winter and spring I studied the book of Ruth with my women’s Bible study at Grace Chapel.  The women and the Bible study were a very real example of the truth I learned from Ruth, that God is always working even when we don’t see it.  It is unclear to me what God is doing exactly in Anthony and I’s life.  All we know is that we are following the light He has given us for the next step. Nicaragua is that next step.  Despite fear and uncertainty I choose to believe the truth that God’s hand is at work and He will guide and direct us, even if it's only a step at a time. 

Thanks for reading my very first blog.  To be honest, it is with reservation that I write one.  I’m not one to “publicly” express some of my thoughts and feelings for others to read nor am I confident in my writing skills.  Nevertheless, I think writing and reflecting on challenges, new experiences and more than likely funny culture differences will be good for me.  Hope you enjoy it!